Skip the Drama, Stay with Momma

"But I shall show you a still more excellent way" 1Cor12

This is EXCELLENT.  Dr. Helen Alvaré, professor of law at George Mason School of law, brings common sense logic, intellect, empirical evidence, and many more resources to the table to talk about human sexuality, feminism, religious freedom and of course the HHS mandate.  

If you are at all concerned about your freedom to practice your religion -not just for Catholics!- and if you are at all concerned for women’s rights, I recommend finding the time to watch this.  I watched it in intervals throughout my morning in between our breakfast, diaper changings, play routine. It’s 53 minutes long but worth the insight if you seem to be finding yourself grappling for the empirical evidence needed to combat the irrational rhetoric used from opposers to shut us up lest we feel like we are “WAGING A WAR ON WOMEN!”  

Oh yes, a war is being waged on women, but it is from the very mouths of the individuals who are accusing us of it.  …and the sad thing is, they hardly realize it!  (…only the very dangerous ones do.)

 They hardly realize it because they are choosing to ignore the empirical evidence, and the common sense logic.  They believe in no moral absolutes.  They believe that a human is defined solely to the core of his/her being by sexual impulses.  ”DO WHAT FEELS GOOD.”  They liken us to animals, mere creatures among the dogs and cats: to be neutered and spayed.

When a society believes that the core of a person’s identity is defined by their sexual desires, we reduce ourselves to that type of poverty of ignorance to our full human capability.  

It’s atrocious that so many Americans are just sitting by, reading about Snooki’s pregnancy, or what celebrities look like without make-up, or garbling about the wage-earning gap between men and women.  

Dr. Alvaré says, “feminism has ONLY gotten us birth control and abortion.  It didn’t get us anything toward work life balance; to the extent we have it, we fought for it one woman at a time.”  

I believe she’s darn right.  And how sad is that!?  We’ve got our birth control, our abortions, but we are still angry: we still feel unequal.  We still feel objectivized by men.

WHY IS THAT, we angrily wonder?  We write and talk and shout.  We burn our bras and panties in proclamation of our “sexual freedom” yet we are still not free.  

Because we reduce our WORTH as a human being to our sexual “deficiencies” and desires.

Oddly enough as it may seem to secular society (the non-religious), Catholicism and many other Christian denominations ACTUALLY TEACH that human beings are MORE than their sexuality. Much more.  

And this is what our government does NOT believe.  Women are being treated like chattel, reduced to their fertility and nothing more.  ”Women NEED abortion, women NEED birth control in order to be equal” the government and secular society tell us.  Yet we are still angry.

This type of stuff is what is and should be so important to all women.  Yet, it’s not easy to read or to listen to.  It’s not like reading a cheap 50 Shades of Grey or Twilight or watching The View or any sort of entertainment.  

This is REAL STUFF.  This is reality.  So many women, it seems to me, hide their faces behind the fiction, the TV shows, the magazines and don’t utilize the time instead to do the hard work and really think and question what is going on and why.  

All I seem to see from some of the more obtusely loud individuals is, “I AM SO ANGRY ABOUT THIS!” “WOMEN DESERVE EQUALITY” “WOMEN AREN’T OBJECTS”  …and it’s normally followed with comments of many other angry women in ignorant support, with no intellectual, logical thought or questions to follow it.  Just a bunch of angry rhetoric.  

I am so tired of angry, empty rhetoric.  It doesn’t explain or demand anything but anger and irritation.   

What I hardly see from these angry women is work.  There seems to be no digging or scratching of the surface of motives or questioning of who are the people behind the movement and what is their motive, and from where have the motives derived, and are they founded in moral logic?   And by the way, what IS moral logic?

This is serious, and The View doesn’t dig into it, doesn’t even use a little gardening tool to shuffle through the loosely laid fertilizer. 

Women need to be reading for themselves.  This video helps, but only if you understand  the basics of moral absolutism.  And that goes to the very root of …well.. everything.  

And if as a woman, the phrases “moral absolutism”, “inherent dignity”, “secular society”, “objectivism”, and “moral relativism” sound boring or confusing even, you’ve got work to do.  It is in everyone’s urgent interest to become interested  in the meaning of these words and how they apply to how we are being viewed and treated today.  

It is paramount to even understanding how we understand and respect ourselves as individuals.

It is work.  Work is hard.  But this work makes us a smarter, stronger people for it.  And nothing worth having in this world is easy to get.  

I know, at the end of the day, I want to rest.  I want to watch a movie or read a good fiction book.  Nothing’s wrong with that.  But there is something wrong if that’s all we EVER do.  

 I find time to do this reading, listening and watching.  I choose, instead of creeping my Facebook “friend’s” status updates and latest acquirement of material possessions, to read and watch this type of stuff I post about.  I do it in segments.  I read at least an article a day.  It can be from anything, really.  I take note of the author and find out about the author.  I read supporting articles, I find other resources attached to the articles.  I discover where they come from and upon which foundation they are rooted.

Because at the end of the day, this is really what is going on in our nation and we individually have an obligation as an American citizen to KNOW it!  …not what Lucy just bought her three year old for Christmas… 

THIS is a great place to start, if you’ve never (or ever) thought about the question “What is right, and what is wrong, and who are YOU to judge me?!” 

THIS is a beautiful explanation of understanding the dignity and equality of ALL human life. 

THIS is a great place to start forming thoughts or different views upon what REALLY is sexual intercourse for.  

Here is a small clip of a series of videos that more simply describes the text above.

and THIS is a great book that discusses the consequences and paradox of the sexual revolution (when contraceptives were normalized).  And don’t let the title deceive you, it’s not some hyper-biblical lunatic writing about ADAM AND EVE… it’s written by a well-educated -gasp!- WOMAN.

 What I have given above as references can be a starting point.  Yes, lots of it is from Catholic authors.  There are thousands of other authors to choose from, but I have been able to more easily identify and understand these authors.  I recently told an acquaintance that the key to understanding these topics comes from being able to actually enjoy the work you’re doing; by identifying with the author, by enjoying how he/she writes or speaks.  These people spoke to me and that’s why I give them as references, in hopes that others will find it easy to read as well.  And then, that they will hunger to read more and branch out their own way!  

It takes a long time to get to know and fully come to understand the meaning of some of the vocabulary used.  Keep reading, questioning, digging. I started questioning in high school, continued through 5 years of college, and I am STILL reading.  I am still digging, I am still questioning.  It becomes a life-long burden… a good and worthy burden to educate and arm ourselves with.  Because then we can teach it to others, to our children.  We can awaken the ignorant and the lukewarm impassiveness of the couch potato laborers who think no further than the soap operas they gape at and the mundane family dramas they relish talking about.

Baby, You Were Born This Way.

I want to write about something that may be obviously apparent to parents of multiple children.
But to the parents with only one child, they might not yet have fully grasped it. For I only began to REALLY notice it after our second child was born.

Especially to the individuals who’ve never had children before, though, is who I write for: DOUBLY especially, to the pro-choice, pro-contracepting individuals who’ve never had children, is who I write this for; for perhaps they’ve never thought about this to quite the extent they should.

I’m sure there’s much more intellectually stimulating writings than mine out there. In fact, I’m absolutely aware of the world of scientific research to support what I’m sharing.

The average, curious Joe may do a tiny lifting of his finger to find this information. I’ve done it and so can you. I’ve generally found that whether or not I litter my blog with links and endless amounts of scientific research backing up what I have to say, whomever reads my blog ultimately rejects what they’re reading on an obstinately angry prejudice or is open to finding out more and does the research him/herself. So there you go, do what you will.
Moving on!

I believe that babies are born, with their personality, their disposition already intact.
I believe that babies are given their personality from the earliest moments of conception.

Because otherwise, when is a human being given his/her personality, his/her predisposition to the way s/he handles emotion, the way s/he communicates, his/her temperament?

At 6 months in utero? 9 months? AFTER birth, a random string of personality traits, plucked from the combined genetics of the mother and father, just spontaneously erupts within his/her brain?

Or perhaps the baby is born with absolutely no personality whatsoever and it’s only developed after coming into the world and being influenced by the environment and people in the human being’s life?

I believe that common intelligence will tell us that the latter must be mostly false.

Common intelligence, from a parent of more than one child, will observe that at the first moments after birth, if the parent is a perceptive one (trust me, not all are) each child is very different than his/her older sibling.

The cry not only sounds different, but a parent can perceive the urgency, the demanding or un-demanding of the cry. Parents more closely observe, over the next few days after arriving home from the hospital, how their baby handles the daily routine of the family: the changing of the diapers, baths, feedings, naps, “tummy time” …etc. All of these mundane events sound like pathetic material to have for observations and conclusions, but if one can consider the newness of life, how drastically different these events must be for the newly born human life, can one not wonder how that baby might handle the situation, depending on his/her disposition?

The differences are sometimes subtle, but if you’ve had more than one child, you can attest to the observation that the baby isn’t JUST yet another baby, like any other baby. Each new baby speaks his/her own personality differently.

My first son- beginning with his kicks within the womb! -was much more vocal about his presence. He was wound tight: vocal from the very beginning. If a diaper was too tight, or a bottle not warmed enough (I only breastfed him for the first three months: he went on a screaming nursing strike after I felt pushed into introducing the bottle to him very early on.) he let me know, loudly. He was up at all hours of the night. He was walking at 7 months and literally running at 8. He was talking before he was one year old and then varying his octaves and tones of voice before he was a year and a half. (I could ask him to say “momma” in a very high-pitched tone or a very low-pitched tone, and he would do it and then replicate the tones with other words.)

My son, now almost 3 years old, is a running, jumping, rollicking, screaming, yelling, non-stop talking wild child in a blaze of endless energy. I truly believe that he has only now begun to reach a satisfactory communication level (according to him) equalling the personality he has been given.

I believe that as a parent, after giving birth to our children, it’s not a matter of “training my baby” to do this or that, or follow a certain schedule that I desire. I believe that instead, my job is to get to KNOW my child. My already uniquely made child. (hence, my Attachment Parenting style of parenting… check out Ask Dr. Sears and this: )

A baby is a human being before s/he is born. This human being is born with limited abilities to communicate his/her personality until s/he reaches the earliest age possible to fully communicate his/her needs. Until then, a parent needs to be perceptive enough to read and understand the newborn human being’s personality.

My second boy barely cried after birth. He slept through the night from the get-go. He only cried (if I could even call it that) when he was hungry. He grunted instead of bellowing or screaming. He is now 1.5 years old and still has yet to purposely say “mom” or “dad”. He started walking at 10 months. He still only becomes whiny when he’s hungry, if I haven’t already fed him. Normally, he’ll just walk up to me and arch his head backwards and look at me with huge, chocolate brown eyes, raising his arms for me to hold him, and I know it’s the “feed me something, Momma,” look.

One might say that the differences in my son’s personalities lie in how I ate while I was pregnant or whether or not I had medication during birth.

First, being medicated isn’t going to be the source of development for my child’s personality. I was given an epidural for my first, wild boy. For our second, laid-back boy, the epidural was placed too high, never reaching lower than my belly button, and was ceased to be administered 2 hours before I began to push. We know that, instead, medications during labor may affect the health of the baby (i.e. drowsiness, unresponsiveness, lack of interest in nursing right away… etc.).

Secondly, I barely consumed any caffeine at all with my first crazy boy. I drank coffee (nearly daily) and Coke a Cola with our second, very calm boy. This third time around, I have had coffee daily.

I understand that environmental influences DO affect the health of the new human life. I do understand and acknowledge that if I were a smoker or consumed alcohol abusively or ate obese levels of sugar while pregnant, I would definitely be putting the physical health of my child in danger. But I cannot agree that I would be putting his/her personality in danger of alteration. This is a difference that many people misconstrue: especially the pro-choice, pro-contraceptive lot.

These people do not understand, or refuse to acknowledge that at the very moment of conception, parents have created, in union with the Ultimate Creator Himself, a very literal separate and unique human being. Like a snowflake, non-replicable. A snowflake the size of a zygote.

To the people who do not or will not understand this, they view having a child as either a commodity, or as an inconvenience. They may contracept, willfully, yet ignorantly flushing down the toilet all other human life that was “accidentally” conceived while on the Pill or IUD or Patch or shot.

We know this happens for a fact. We know that women get pregnant while contracepting. Google “pregnancy rates among contraceptive users” and you’ll find that even Guttmacher Institute (Planned Parenthood’s research arm) gives statistical evidence of failure among chemical contraceptive use. Yep, there’s failure for all types of birth control, natural and chemical. Honestly, the percentage rate does not matter… 0.1% or 10%, the failure rate is absolutely present, and who am I or you to put full faith into a failing chemical that will harm the newly created life, just banking on the assumption that “certainly I’m not likely to be that 1-10%”?

ESPECIALLY when the percentage of failure weighs upon the death of a human life.

But the even more questionable concern rises when we understand that when pregnant, a woman must not continue using her contraceptive because the chemicals will kill or greatly harm the already conceived life.

THEREFORE, how can we pretend to be blind to the “unsuccessful zygotes” that are the result of the effectiveness of the chemical abortions that take place without the knowledge of the poor mother and father who do not view each human life as sacred and unique (even though they think they do)?

We know that within hours of conception, the brand new human being’s DNA is fully formed (check my link below); DNA unique to the mother, unique to the father, unique to any other human being in the world. Hence, my snowflake allusion.

From what minimal biological knowledge I acquired from my college education, in combination with the light scientific research I have found through general internet searches, I am aware that fundamental personality cells are stored within the human DNA.

I have read that complex personality development is later developed and influenced by environmental forces; Yet we are born, already having been given our base personality. At the moment we are given our DNA. at conception.

Yikes. The people who think that contraceptives are OK and that abortion is OK have some answering to do.

What I have written is in the most elementary, rudimentary basics of human development. Pathetic, to some it may be, I really think that one doesn’t need to be a scientist to fully acknowledge these truths. One only needs to have a willful stubbornness to adhering to his/her personal convenience, though, to reject them. And sadly, so, so many people do.

Pope Benedict XVI's Holy Thursday Homily →

His words are BEAUTIFUL. I read this in mind with everything for which I fight. “it is not my will- MY PLEASURE, MY CHOICE, MY BODY- but Your will, o God.”

"The stance of Adam was: not what you, O God, have desired; rather, I myself want to be a god. This pride is the real essence of sin. We think we are free and truly ourselves only if we follow our own will. God appears as the opposite of our freedom. We need to be free of him – so we think – and only then will we be free. This is the fundamental rebellion present throughout history and the fundamental lie which perverts life. When human beings set themselves against God, they set themselves against the truth of their own being and consequently do not become free, but alienated from themselves. We are free only if we stand in the truth of our being, if we are united to God. Then we become truly “like God” – not by resisting God, eliminating him, or denying him. In his anguished prayer on the Mount of Olives, Jesus resolved the false opposition between obedience and freedom, and opened the path to freedom. Let us ask the Lord to draw us into this “yes” to God’s will, and in this way to make us truly free. Amen."

I Think it's Cute How Much Jezebel Loves Being Wrong About Things →

The article above, by Kristen Walker, echoes what I continue to write about the Pill as a regulator of women’s hormones and as an abortifacient.  I love reading about other women who believe they deserve better, who took a road less-traveled, asked questions, and talked to other women.  She too, has found the “still more excellent way” and will always be healthier for it.  Bravo for a woman with an engaging brain! 

"But what Sandra Fluke and others are screaming about is that women use birth control pills for things other than preventing pregnancy, such as regulating periods and correcting hormonal imbalances. Now, I know a little something about hormonal imbalances. I won’t go into detail, but I experienced hormonal imbalance so severely that I experienced “that time of the month” non-stop for 18 months. (Looky there, I just went into detail.) I became severely anemic and very sick. I was diagnosed with polycystic ovary syndrome, metabolic syndrome, insulin resistance, and adrenal fatigue, among other things. "

Why You Must be Pro-Life to Stop Bullying

Many of my friends now may not believe it, but I was pretty badly bullied while I was young.
I can only attribute my education of God’s love, mercy and the Beatitudes to the fact that I didn’t grow up to be some vindictive mean girl. And my parents. Well, they educated me and they helped me and they hugged me.

I rode the bus to school every morning and I rode it home every day after school. I remember the trip to my house took somewhere between 1/2hr to 45 minutes. I was one of the last ones dropped off. I would often become carsick while the others raucously bounced around shouting and screaming.
I honestly can’t remember the names of the two or three boys who would gang-up on me but I remember their faces very well.

They would hang over the back of their seat, loom over me and just make fun of my teeth, my clothes and my nose.

Now, I’ll give it to them, my teeth were the worst I’ve ever seen on any other human being. I could comfortably fit my thumb under my overbite and could not close my precious lips over my two front teeth which were bumpy at the edges. My bottom teeth were a train wreck.
Even today, almost 15 years after my braces were removed, I still run my tongue along the bottom row of perfectly straight teeth in appreciation.

I had nightmares -and sometimes still do- about my teeth.
I was made fun of for my un-girlish figure. Apparently, if a girl is athletic, puberty can be delayed a little. I was taller than many, chicken-legged and flat-chested. And I got made fun of for it. I remember a very specific individual not wanting to pair up with me during rehearsal for the musical our school’s Drama Club was producing because “she’s flat as a board!”
I remember thinking to myself “good, I think you’re gross anyway” but it completely ruined my enjoyment of the performance that year. I dearly love theatre!

I was also bullied over my religion. But I’m saving that story for later because it’s a good one.

So I hope you get the idea, I was bullied and called names. It hurt me but God created me to be strong. Strong I am.

Bullying is in the media limelight right now. But the media isn’t connecting the resolving of this issue to looking toward the pro-life movement.

A true, real pro-lifer values EACH and EVERY human life on this earth as worthy.

A real pro-lifer doesn’t throw insults to hurt another human being because of his or her looks, religion, illness, handicap, or whatever else may be different about that person.

A real pro-lifer never bullies someone because of a disagreement.

But the people who don’t value human life: they bully. They insult. They use vulgar, derogatory language to cause shock and harm to someone who is different.

Those bullies are to be pitied because they lack the education required to bring about peace in this world.
We should pray for the bullies.

We should pray for the people who don’t or won’t acknowledge that when a unique human life is created, that human is to be protected and treated as equal in value to even the most prominent figure in our world.

We should pray for this realization to occur within the prejudiced minds of the individuals who have not been taught to know better. They need compassion of a different kind, and love. Bullies need love too. Because obviously, they’ve not been educated with love.

I think we should also pray for the people who recognize bullying as a problem, but don’t or won’t connect the issue to valuing each human life as a beholder of dignity.

Once we can unite on the fact that human life is sacred and not to be thrown out as unviable or unworthy or unwanted, I believe our world could vastly change for the better. Bullies and all.

"But I will show you a still more excellent way."
1 Corinthians 12.  
Oh yes, I’m starting off with the Bible! 

For years and years my favorite Bible verse has been—and continues to be—John 16:33:

"I have told you this so that you might have peace in me. In the world you will have trouble, but take courage, I have conquered the world.”

I have drawn upon my strength and perseverance, my peace and confidence from this verse.  When I was in spiritual turmoil, years ago, I stumbled across this verse while trying to read the Book of John in my dormitory at college.  It had a powerful impact upon me.  Whatever my troubles, my stresses and frustrations might currently be, Jesus has conquered them.  He has conquered the world.  And I should have peace in my heart, in my being because of it.  And because of these words, I do.  I have peace, courage, strength, perseverance and confidence in myself and what I believe.  It’s an amazing, AMAZING empowerment to carry.  And I thank God for this gift.  And I know I must use it. Somehow.  For years I have been praying and patiently waiting for the venue to present itself, and in the meantime, I’m studying.  I’m suiting-up in my armor of knowledge.  

Just so you know. 

This verse, 1 Corinthians 12 has also impacted me greatly.   It ties directly to John 16:33.  ”In the world you will have trouble…” “But I will show you a still more excellent way.”

This is where, for the faithful, it’s so important to be at peace and listen for God’s whisper, to be still and feel God’s hand guide us in our life.

Instead of saying “Oh no, what am I going to do!?  I just can’t go on like this anymore!! I am lost! I have no other choice! I’ve got to do SOMETHING! If I don’t take action, it’s not going to fix itself! I, I, I, me, me, me, you, you, YOU! woe, woe, woe! MISERY!!!”

Be at peace. 

In this world of fast food and instant gratification (iPhone, anyone?) it becomes EXTREMELY difficult to be at peace when something as stressful as a crisis pregnancy comes along, or a job is lost, or a car is crashed, or you get sick, or your family member tells lies about you.  We are made to feel like we must be in complete control of our situation because no one else is going to care, no one else is going to help.  

I’ve been right there with you.  I hate not being in control… right down to how my sons’ diapers are put on them.  (I’m serious.) 

That is where faith comes in.  Faith in something greater than yourself.  We are not a God, after all.  God is God.   We can only do so much.  We can only control so much.

My mom constantly reminds me that the only person I can change is myself.  ”You change yourself and you’ll start seeing things differently, a world will open up to you that you couldn’t see before.”   

So, that is why I am using 1 Cor 12 as my sub-header.  No matter what choice I don’t think I have anymore, there is ALWAYS a still more excellent way.  

Abortion, birth control, Planned Parenthood.  
There is a more excellent way. 
 And it begins and ends in Peace.  If we can only have the faith, there are others who would educate us about that more excellent way; the way that teaches women are better than what PP says we are, the way that says “Women deserve better”

"The producers of October Baby have assigned 10% of the profits of the movie to Every Life is Beautiful Fund, which will distribute funds to frontline organizations helping women facing crisis pregnancies, life-affirming adoption agencies, and those caring for orphans."

The movie comes out March 23.  

Okay and so does The Hunger Games.  Make no mistake, I definitely want to see the Hunger Games.  But I am making the choice to see October Baby first.  Watching the trailers, it’s captured my heart already.  It looks to be a healing movie, one that will change hearts.  And what better cause, than life?!

On Snooki's Pregnancy: →

Oh the “intelligence” that keeps being tactlessly flung at me lately!

I had shared an article from Live Action’s web site on FB about how pro-lifers need to be able to rationally defend their views, instead of using the same type of closed-down rhetoric that many pro-aborts do.  Here’s a relatively small excerpt from the article which gives the best example:

 ”One of the most common pro-choice arguments dismissive statements is “don‘t like abortion, don‘t have one,” but that statement completely misses the point of our pro-life case.  We don’t merely believe elective abortion is wrong for us individually.  We believe elective abortion is wrong for everyone.
It’s not like choosing a favorite ice cream flavor.  I like chocolate peanut butter, you like vanilla.  (For some mysterious reason.)  “Don’t like chocolate peanut butter, don’t eat chocolate peanut butter.”  No, we believe that elective abortion is wrong for virtually everybody because it kills a living, distinct, whole human being.  The statement “don’t like abortion, don’t have one” tries to transform our objective claim to a merely subjective one that is easy to dismiss.
Imagine if someone told William Wilberforce, “Don’t like slavery, don’t own a slave.”  They would have been missing the abolitionists’ point.  They didn’t just not like slavery; they thought slavery was objectively wrong because it dehumanized a whole community of human beings.” 

Okay.  So that’s what the link above is about.  Having posted this, then an old high school friend (whom I have not seen nor spoken with in years) commented underneath the article saying,  

"Snookis pregnant… take that prolifers lol"

First of all, this old friend of mine clearly didn’t read the article.  If this person had read it, he would have realized that this comment made him look completely unintelligent.
Secondly, I’ve seen this posted from a number of my social network pals over the past 2 days, so I figured I’d want to address it soon anyway…

Here is what I wrote …as I was feeding applesauce to my 1 year old… (Also, I’m changing his name because I do not wish to personally ridicule him on my blog where all the info I give is public for anyone to read.  He has always been a sweet guy and this was kind of surprising to hear come from him.  I do wish to call-out this type of ideology, however, that with which pro-aborts seem to be plagued) :

I’m sorry? Why do people keep saying, “take that prolifers?” like it’s some attack, some strategy move? 

All this shows to me is the people who say this remain completely ignorant to the inherent value of the dignity of each and every human life. If you don’t understand those words, I’ll simplify for you: everyone’s life is worth just as much as yours. Your life’s not worth any more than Snooki’s nor the life within her womb. You all have the same inherent value. 

So this tells me that pro-Aborts who think this way are prejudice, and intolerant of people different than themselves, they think they’re higher, better. 

I don’t watch Jersey Shore. But I know enough that Snooki’s behavior is not pleasant. Can we not have compassion for this person, however? She is a person, after all. Why would we show her hate? This is exactly what pro-aborts claim that prolifers do to the woman: that they only care for the baby. 

Well this prolifer cares for both. This prolifer knows that if Snooki is incapable of bringing her child into a safe environment, there are literally THOUSANDS of parents lined up at adoption centers who will. I also know where Snooki could go if she wanted to change her life for her child. I know who she could talk to. 

Pro-aborts seem to have no faith in the human race: maybe this girl would change her ways? It is possible, is it not? 
Even if she didn’t change her behavior, would her child starve? she’s a reality TV star, I think not. I believe we all could think about worse circumstances that a chilld may be born into. 

Have some faith, Bob. Don’t be so derisive. And especially, I ask that if you want to open a conversation with me, you don’t do it in such a mocking, sarcastically hateful way- when was the last time we spoke, Bob- seriously? Years!! 
A personal message, maybe an open yet public inquiry of my opinion in the matter, would’ve shown that you’re not so biased and prejudice. But since you’ve shown that about yourself, my arguments- even backed with logic and science probably would not penetrate your brain.”

 Why, does it seem, that so many people are not willing to have an open conversation? Why don’t people want to learn, to teach themselves, to better their understanding of life?  Why are we all so closed off?  We only have this one life here on earth- why do we waste it in closed-minded prejudice, instead determinedly seeking out and attacking people who are the ones that seem to be doing the work necessary to grow as a competent human being?  I don’t mean to toot my own horn, but I work hard to read articles— even those I don’t believe are correct — to remain in some tiny way knowledgable about such a sensitive, dividing subject in this world.

 Life pertains to every human being, after all.  So the argument is paltry to say, “it doesn’t affect me”.

To say “Abortion is BAD”  is not enough!  To say, “Don’t like abortion? Don’t have one.” is not enough!  It’s not intelligent, it’s not informed.  

We have got to open ourselves for uncomfortable conversation;  civil conversation, not insulting one another or poking fun with mocking jokes.  I believe it is a good exercise of mind to think about subjects that might make us question our own actions or words.

Bob has since written to me saying that he “only meant to joke, my bad”  
I wrote back saying that if he and I had maintained a close friendship over the years, the understanding of his comment would’ve been different.  But that’s not the case and we both knew it.  I wrote to Bob that for him to have not spoken to me for years, to suddenly seek me out and post a “joke” under a pro-life article I was sharing, was indeed no joke, but a provocation.  I then posed a question to him asking how he would feel if I had suddenly done the same to him, (after years of not speaking) mocking his service for our country (he’s a military man), or something else he is passionate about.  

It’s not civil nor in the spirit of community to talk like this to each other!  We are all human beings, are we not?  We each have a responsibility to bring goodness to our world, to bring people up.  We each deserve to have our voices, our beliefs and our research listened to in a way that is fruitful to the cultivation of our minds and way of life. It is a telling mark of intolerance and discrimination to refuse to introduce conversation in a rational manner, asking questions, and patiently awaiting responses from someone whose view is different from ours.  

To refute a point that I take time to educate someone about with a dismissive, “it’s a joke, my bad” or any sort of prejudgement— (Once, someone responded to my efforts to explain my views with “Okay, so you’re ____-phobic then.  Carry on.”) —shows that those individuals are more intolerant than they accuse me of being.  


BEWARE: Even Doctors Are Bigots.

Begin conversation I had with a doctor this week:

Dr: Is this your first child?
Me: No, he’s my second.
Dr: Wow, you look like you’ve barely broken 20 years old, good for you momma.  So you’re a very young momma then?!
Me: *laughs* I’m 27 and we have a third one on the way!
Dr: Oh wow! How many do you plan on having, momma?
Me: All of them
Dr: *starts and double-takes, laughs* Ahh, funny.  Really though, how many…? 
Me: All of them.
Dr: *chuckles again, shakes head* I mean, do you have a goal?
Me: Every child that we are given, I will have.
Dr: OH.  So…10, 15, even 20 kids… you’ll have them?

Me: Well, doctor, I’m 27 years old, do the math.  Even if I have one baby at every possible fertile moment until menopause, it’s hardly biologically, physically possible for me to have even 12 kids… unless I have multiple, multiples.
Dr: How do you figure that? 
Me: Well, I can’t get pregnant for 10 months while I’m already pregnant… I also breastfeed, so that adds at least another year of infertility…

Dr: Oh, WOW!  So you’ve thought this out very carefully!  Okay let’s see… so if you had a kid every 15 months… *he does the math, incorrectly, and telling me that I’m 26, even though I’d already told him twice that I am 27* … well it’s possible that you might have 12 kids, at least.

Me: Yes, it IS possible. And if I have 12 kids, I have 12 kids.
Dr: Oh… so you’re very religious then…?
Me: It’s not so much religion. It’s more from a scientific, metaphysical perspective that I cannot, as a woman, agree that chemical contraceptives are in any way healthy for me or any human life that may be formed in my uterus. 

Dr: Oh… So you’re an earthy child then!
Me: …Earthy child?
Dr: Did you go to college?
Me: yes.
Dr: What did you study?
Me: French language and culture, and fine arts.
Dr: Ah ha! Yes, you’re an earthy child indeed. What does your husband do?
Me: He’s an executive logistics coordinator at […] 
Dr: So there’s you’re counterpart- you’re perfect for each other!

*end inappropriately motivated conversation*

And that is how, within minutes, this doctor was able to presume his prejudices about me, a “young”, white, “momma” (as he continually called me).  

Never mind the fact that I was not there for MYSELF.  I was at the Ear Nose and Throat Specialist for my youngest boy’s recent ear infection.  

So this ENT had the audacity to ask me questions that did not pertain in any way whatsoever to the well-being of my little boy, and to draw assumptions on my views about health based off of what I looked like, what my religion is, and whether or not I had an education.

At any moment, if I had said to the doctor, “Oh… so you like to go to clubs and enthusiastically dance on any women standing alone?”  He might’ve been offended.  

And then, if I had justified my question in the way he did, I would have said, “oh, well you are wearing a dark purple and black striped, open neck, shirt with your chest hair hanging out and a shiny flat gold chain… I mean your hair is greased back too.”

I also could have pointed out his ethnicity and made assumptions based on that as well.

But I didn’t.  Those thoughts didn’t even cross my mind until I left the medical center and realized I had just been subjected to prejudice and quite possibly blatant bigotry by a doctor. 

Why did this doctor, who had no business asking me about my family planning methods, feel like he was entitled to do just that?  Was it because he owns the title “DOCTOR” that makes him some all-knowing, all powerful force of the high inquisitor?

What was the point of him even asking how many children I plan on having? Mere conversation? I doubt that. I don’t off-handedly ask my acquaintances how many children they plan to have.  It’s a very personal matter that is decided between a married couple and hopefully, God.

And then to jump to the conclusion that I MUST only be religious in order to believe that I would actually elect to have “ALL the children given to me” Is flat-out absurd and bigoted.  
And because I didn’t give him an absolute answer on my religious beliefs, he calls me earthy, and asks about my education credentials.  Hmm.  

If he REALLY wanted to know the motive behind why I believe the way I do, why didn’t this doctor ask me to explain why I think contraceptives are unhealthy for women?
 He skirted right over that topic and tried to scare me into thinking I shall be subject to the “pains” of carrying 20 pregnancies.
 You don’t agree that he tried to scare me?  
If he was any sort of thinking, logical individual, he couldn’t have used that tactic because he would have known for a likely fact that it couldn’t be true.  I had told him my age, twice.

 But no, this DOCTOR had clearly never thought about it.  Apparently, scaring women in this way works.  And sadly, many women don’t know how to answer it, or else, that kind of question wouldn’t have been brought up to me.

So, Mr. DOCTOR, again, did not ask me what my reasons were for not taking contraceptives.  After he tried to scare me and I debunked his attempt, he was not given a satisfying answer that I must be a religious, ignorant zealot who only does what THE POPE says because “that’s just what the Church’s stance is”.  He then proceeded to wonder if I was educated.  

We already know, based off of this conversation, that education and credentials bear no significant weight if you’re already a bigot; that education, science and logic can be thrown aside if you’re a prejudiced chauvinist.  And when Mr. Doctor was not satisfied in knowing that I was uneducated, he affirmed that I must be an “Earthy child”.  

Earthy?  Meaning: au naturel?  Like I’m a flower child? A hippie?  Is that how he was able to discredit me in his mind?
Isn’t that kind of a dated thought?  We now know more and more that natural medicines, organic, unprocessed foods and homeopathic remedies are better for us than many of the marketed chemicals today which are associated with cancer. So I am failing to see how being an “earthy child” might’ve satisfied him, but apparently it did because he asked me no further questions on the subject.

What is disturbing is that clearly, this doctor looks at children as objects to acquire: he looks at life as a dispensable, un-valuable commodity to have or dispose of at convenience.  
Which only means, that if I want to have my child seen by someone who will take all means necessary to cure and heal him, because he believes that each and every human life on this earth is deserving of dignity and equal value, I DO NOT want to continue seeing this doctor.

Parents and prospective “mommas”, it is important that you ask your doctors what the value of a human life is to them.  The answer should be a simple one: All life is infinitely valuable.
If the doctor can’t answer you directly, or has to give long drawn out explanations, I’d seek another doctor because you can probably safely assume that the doctor won’t fight for your life, or that of anyone you love.

A doctor is supposed to value human life.  A doctor is supposed to want to save human life, preserve human life, and encourage a human’s well-being.  A doctor is supposed to be able to put prejudice aside -if he/she has any- in order to focus on the care for the patient.  But apparently, not all of them do.  Beware, do your research, and most importantly, ASK QUESTIONS. 

I’ll end asking the prayerful to pray for all doctors (because I MUST be very religious) and for their increased awareness of the intrinsic value of all human life.